urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:means2reconcile Eat Your Hearts Out. means2reconcile 2005-10-25T01:10:13Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:means2reconcile:3533 2005-10-25T01:10:13Z 2005-10-25T01:10:13Z FUCKING FINCH RAWR! Today fucking sucked. It was just an all-around shitty day. I didn't get much sleep, so I was crabby. && all I had left was half a cigarette to smoke this morning, because I didn't want to open the new pack. && I got to school && ppl were just being dickheads. It blew. Then in English, we had to write a 2 page paper on bullshit VIETNAM in less than an hour. I hate that fucking teacher, Mrs. Lvaka or however you spell it. I was pissed. a;ksjf;lsdk && the rest of the day sucked as well. Stupid, gross lunch made me sick. && then Liz brought me home, && gave me a cigarette but it was a New Port, && I hate those, but I smoked it anyways because I suck at life. && yeah. Eww. ;aslkfj FUCK LIFE.<br />&lt;//3 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:means2reconcile:3295 2005-10-22T17:42:32Z 2005-10-22T17:42:32Z My American Heart It's been awhile since I've updated.. hmm so LAST friday I totalled my car. True story. I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, went in the ditch and hit a telephone pole. It was a mess...blood errywhere. Ick. So I'm carless now. Oh well. <br />This week was Fall Break, but I was grounded so I couldn't do anything. GRR@THAT. Hmm...what else is new? My counselor, yeah i misspelled that, want's me to go to Hennipin Tech. College for photography or filmmaking, but I was leaning more towards MCAD, Concordia Wisconsin or somewhere in Florida. Oh well, I'll tour that school && see how it is. <br />Mkay. Done.<br />PEACE&&LOVE&lt;3 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:means2reconcile:3000 2005-10-06T02:25:18Z 2005-10-06T02:25:18Z i've been dying to reach you - saosin so not much has been happening lately. i got major crunk fiday night (homecoming) i woke up in the backseat of my friends car. i have NO clue how i got thurrr :(. oh well. last night (tuesday) i went to the coheed/blood brothers show. omgomgomgomg *ORGASMMMM* mmm johnny and jordan (blood bros) were amazing. i moshed my little heart out like whoa. and coheed did amazing too. schools going okay i suppose. i'm having fun in it, sometimes. art four is fun. same with space science, bcuz we just talk. and the teacher doesn't curr. ehhh let's seee..... i kind of want to be an art teacher...???<br />umm... oh, so like 5 minutes ago, i cut the hair in the back of my head, JESSY says, i get scene pts. be jealous muthfuckas. now i'm craving more haircuts.... possibly soon. like now?<br />yeah. freal<br />peace && love. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:means2reconcile:2758 2005-09-21T02:30:44Z 2005-09-21T02:30:44Z THE POSTAL SERVICE omgomgomg..school is so boringz. it was like "talk talk zZzZzZz talk zZzZzZz". and the ppl thur suck ballz, well most. i'm like going to start a christianxcore band. cause, yeah. i don't need to explain myself. just kidding, i'm not going to. i'm working on my acoustic band though, which consists, of ....ME.<br />it's going to be sweet, i mean with a name like that, fire at will, why wouldn't it be sweet? maybe i should start a piano band too. sh'yeah. idk. you suck. jk. your mom puts out. jk.<br />work sucked. i hate apples. fuck apples. little red bundles of hell. little bastards. <br />time and that damned clock are still working against me. meh, fuck sleep. there are 24 usable hrs in day, yo! besides, you sleep half your life. not me though.<br />i suck, kthnx.<br />i'm so bored. i didn't go bowling yesterday. lame. i didn't go to the my chem and alkaline trio show tonight. lame. but i AM going to the BLOOD BROTHERS and COHEED show!!!!! be jealous.<br />i don't know what else to say........... meh story time? kay, i suppose.<br /><br />jk. i have nothing tonight.<br /><br />oh yeah, i haven't had anything to eat in a long assss time too. ugh. it makes me sick. literally.<br />ksupqtface?!<br /><br />werd, i'm out<br /><br />THEY'LL NEVER HURT YOU LIKE I DO! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:means2reconcile:2368 2005-09-20T03:40:51Z 2005-09-20T03:40:51Z So Co (something corporate) nobody can hurt me like YOU can.<br /><br /><br />meh. things have been going pretty stellar lately. i've been having a lot of fun. i got a job. which sucks. word. <br />today was rad. kinda. school sucked. mondays suck. i haven't been able to sleep lately. i just stare at that fucking clock which has become my worst enemie. always working against me. same with time. i'm growing older. not older as in physical. but older as in mentally. i think too much at night. i worry too much. maybe i'm going insane. maybe insomnia has the best of me.<br />tonight was cool too, i suppose. up untill now. i hate finding out bad news. i'm not going to mention the news or the person, because i don't want to be on bad terms with (insert sex here). i don't know what i'm going to do anymore.<br />I've been listening to a lot of INCUBUS, SOMETHING CORPORATE, and a band called A HEARTWELL ENDING. ch'yeah. i told my madre about my lip peircing and she;s affraid ppl will think i do drugs. i'm like "WTF?!?"@THAT. oh well, i'm still getting it done. i could care less what she and you think. if you don't like me because of metal in my skin, then i suppose we're not friends?<br />lately i've been finding out who my real friends are. so many ppl talk so much shit. get over yourselves. you're only making yourself look worse. kthnx.<br />i've also been going through this period where i just day dream more often than ever. mostly in my first block class, english. the teacher sucks. she doesn't know what she's doing. block two is where it's at, art four. love it. my self portrait ownz your face. and my canvas, in the shape of the cross, with the non objective jesus painted on it, will own you when it's finished. block three is weird. marketing. the teacher complains too much, about the principal. no work gets done. just bitching. and block four is pretty stellar, space science. my "friends" make it fun. like liz. she's fun. she buys me ice cream after school. and t-mack is just crazy. fun crazy though. i like to make fun of the kid that sits behind me for being a douche. because he is. and the pregnate girl needs to stop wearing tight clothes, i'm sorry, but ick. the teacher reminds me of a cartoon character. these are all things i think of in that class.<br />well i'm done for the night.<br /><br /><br />IF LOOKS COULD KILL, YOU'D BE A MURDERER, MAYBE JUST A WHORE. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:means2reconcile:2155 2005-09-08T23:42:23Z 2005-09-08T23:42:23Z from autumn to ashes this is by from autumn to ashes. i listen(ed) to it everyday. because it's pretty.<br />plus. it's how i feel. long story.:<br />how sad<br />and this is what your life has been reduced to- <br />A single room apartment containing no more than a matress.<br />How sad when the strings have been removed from the blinds <br />and all the outlets have been painted over.<br />And the television screen is streaked with blood and smeared from your knuckles,<br />As if you were trying to punch it out but you underestimated the strength-<br />or maybe you just weren't trying hard enough.<br />Startled by a knock at the door, you'll rise for the first time in two days to answer-<br />But you can only greet the visitor with one short statement -<br />Hello my first name is Distance and I really don't care if i never wake up again. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:means2reconcile:1905 2005-08-26T06:02:49Z 2005-08-26T06:02:49Z inMemory ...true story. anyway. tonight i hung out with jim and emily and brennen and dan. that was sweet. we went bowling. then back to jim's to watch a movie. that was sweet too. i got home at 11:30 and came on the internet. wow, i can't be done already?? fuck... ummmm.... okay so i have a story: one time this guy was like, "ya know, i really want to play guitar for a sweet band." so like he played guitar for the sweetest band ever. then a year later he's like, "fuck d00d. i'm so popularz. i want to do something that everyone will love." so he made a clone of himself. and girls were like, "OMGFZZZZ lyk 2 of himz! omgz!" and he lived a happy life. up untill he was like idk, 30. and he's like, "fuck d00d, i'm 30 and have nothign to show for my life, i have to do something extreme." so he took up hanggliding. and ppl were SHOCKED! i mean, they were FAREAKING out. and he hang glided for like, idk, 2 years. then he crashed into mt.rushmore. and ppl hated him. they were like, "omg. what kind of idiot hang glides into mt. rushmore??!" ppl would throw shit at him and his house and his dog cathy. and he was like, "wtf @ that, yo. fa reeal!?"<br />and then one day he died. and yea. <br />the end.<br /><br />i fuck ownz! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:means2reconcile:1767 2005-08-24T03:52:34Z 2005-08-24T03:52:34Z TAKING BACK SUNDAY okay so last night. Jim & Jeremy came over to get me to go to st. cloud and watch Jim bowl. We ended up going to Jeremy's in Monticello, and Jim&I played with the lizard, don't even say it pervs. Then to the St. Cloud hospital to see Jeremy's sister who was in a car accident. I was jittery so Jim gave me two Percocet. That was cool. After like 3 or 4 hrs. @ the hospital, we got to the bowling alley. Brennan and I rocked out in the parking lot to, none other than TAKING BACK SUNDAY!!!!!! That was super fun. We did that for like an hour. Then Jim, Emily, and I walked to McDonalds. I didn't have money so I just got a water. Jim told me to go see if I could get free food, cause the workers were rad and liked my shades. She gave me two free LARGE fries. and Two double cheese burgers. which, I gladly accepted. Then we went home. and I rocked out. and chatted. and went to bed.<br />Today, I went skateboarding for a long ass time. and did really nothing the rest of the day.<br />yeah I rock for getting free food though!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:means2reconcile:1464 2005-08-21T02:21:38Z 2005-08-21T02:21:38Z " I Don't Think I'll Ever Come Back Down. "<br />Ugh. What to say about yesterday? Well I woke up @ noon, parents left for the weekend @ noon too. Got in my car to go for a drive, noticed the cd player was gone. bitches. so I drove around, then called the cops. bla bla bla. Finally got ahold of Mike. We ended up going to St. Cloud. I bought big sunglasses and red and black eyeliner. Ummm... got home @ like 9 something. So Mike just came to my house. We decided to go to some party. It was okay. We got there, and like after 5 minutes I saw Mike was going somewhere so I followed him, we ended up driving to St. Cloud, well we didn't, mike and I were in the backseat rocking out to some TAKING BACK SUNDAY. HxC. Mike, Jim, Emily, Joe, Anthony and I all came back to my place. Listened to music and watched Donnie Darko. Then Went To Sleep @ like 6 something. I woke up @ like 11. Which BLOWS! ahh.. Joe left @ like 4am, anthony left @ like 10 and mike left @ noon. So Jim, Emily And I just sat @ my house waiting for a ride, since my car was @ Jim's. After I got my car home, I just sat around on the couch and computer. Took like 3 naps. Really, nothing interesting. So yeah, now I'm here. Talking to people and listening to TBS. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:means2reconcile:1265 2005-08-19T04:06:25Z 2005-08-19T04:06:25Z MY AMERICAN HEART hmmm what lyrics describe how I'm feeling today? none really, so here's some lyrics I like: <br />Hopes set on expectations<br />never thought of expiration dates that you've instilled inside my mind<br />And traces of thoughtless compliments<br />next year we'll try to make amends<br />and see where I have come from<br />You never thought we'd make it this far<br />and this pill you need to take<br />will make you realize that you were wrong.<br /><br />Beautiful isn't it? It's by My American Heart&lt;3333 I Love Those Guys! Anyway. Last night, I went to a movie with a couple friends. Skeleton Key. It was good, confusing a bit, but good. Had a lot of fun too. Then came home, and talked on the internet untill about 2. I talked to probally the same 3 ppl the entire time. <br />This morning, I realized it was my mother's birthday so I drove to Halmark and got her a card and a gift, which she absolutly loved. score. umm then sat around and did nothing. rented Empire Records&lt;3. Jessy promised it would be good, and it was! score. <br />Went to dinner with the family. Saw my brother, he made fun of me. I made fun of him. score. Free mea l too! SCORE! Umm... I had the veggie platter and water. Oh did that piss off my relatives. I don't get it, just because I choose to eat healthy and not look like a carnivore, they lose respect for me? What ever I don't care. One More year I keep telling myself. Then I'm out of here. Speaking of which, Jessy and I decided that we're going to live together in Wisconsin for a year, then move to Omaha, where I'll find a school to go to. I'm super excited. I'm ready for change. DOUBLE SCORE!<br />Right now I'm doing nothing. Listening to My American Heart, which honestly is my favorite band of all time. Then Mae, etc. etc. <br />yeahh... well that's it for tonight. ta ta&lt;3.<br /><br />oh here's some more lyrics from My American Heart.<br />"Let's go somewhere far now<br />We’ll dissipate our fears<br />and make them thoughts of hope<br />You're saying that I’m blind<br />but she doesn’t know I'll never leave her side<br />A lover she's called<br />so I'll wait forever but shes already mine<br />my heart<br />search and rescue<br />but I found you<br />But hey wonderful<br />Isn't she beautiful?<br />Goodnight" urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:means2reconcile:984 2005-08-17T16:40:31Z 2005-08-17T16:40:31Z Armor For Sleep I'd Like To Squeeze The Morning Sun Above The Tree Line Silhouettes,In Shades Of Every Color Blue You Can Think Of. Detach Yourself From Everyone You Know. Stay Back When Someone's Feelings Start To Show. Find A Gun. Find A Hiding Place. Don't Come Out Untill You Know It's Safe.<br /><br />In a nut shell, that is how I feel. I Feel as if I've detatched myself from everyone and everything. And I've become so distracted lately. I hate it. It doesn't feel good.<br />More and more everyday, I feel as if my parents are losing hope in me. They've become so pissed off at me over nothing. My father claims I'm not trying hard enough to find a job. I'm not sure what my mother thinks of me. Nor do I care. My family has always been like this. Always talking shit behind my back. Doesn't matter who, it could be my aunt, or it could be my father. I used to not care, but then it got to me and I shut myself out from my family, and the rest of the world. But then, things go better. That is untill now. I feel as if I can't trust my family, or some of my friends.<br />Other than those things, nothing is new really. I dyed my hair black. That's pretty stellar. Jessy broke up with me. I can respect that. She did what she had to do, and I'm not going to hate her for that. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hurt when she did. <br />School starts Semptember 1st. UGH! I hate school. The people in my school are so immature and ignorant. They're clueless. They think life is all about getting drunk every weekend. Or getting high everyday before school. I hope they get a rude wake-up call from life soon. It'd make me happy. The teachers aren't any better. They think they're our God. We HAVE to obey them, or else. They feed us with bullshit so they can pretend they know what they're talking about. I don't claim to be smart, but I can usually prove them wrong. Our principal is such a fucking asshole. He's done nothing good to our school. When I was in 9th grade, I pushed a kid after he pushed me. I got 4 days of out of school susspension. Last year, someone pushed me off of my chair for no reason, I broke my hand. He got one day of IN school susspension. And I got detention for not telling the teacher right away. That's bullshit because I was in so much pain. Then the principal made my mom and me stay and talk to him and 5 other school officials for 40 minutes before we could go to the ER. That's bullshit to me, since they didn't do anything about it anyway. One of our school logos or w/e says "respect". I have ABSOLUTLY no respect for the school, and I'm not going to miss anyone after I graduate. And that's the truth.<br />Anyway. I'm done venting. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:means2reconcile:718 2005-08-15T04:22:06Z 2005-08-15T04:22:06Z Time to waste - alkaline trio So today was "spend time with your father" day. His idea of spending time? taking me to some race thing.<br />It wasn't too lame. He gave me money for no reason. Money's cool. I'm saving up to see JESSY!! I saw so many rednecks&&mullets&&drunks&&other things that it became unfunny. I was getting these evil looks, for my make-up, and clothes. Even though they were wearing like tshirts older than me with stains on them, ew. W/e though.<br />Shortly after I was home, JESSY called me&lt;3333.. her voice is just as beautiful as she is. no lie&lt;3. I adore her completely!<br /><br />So I suppose that's it for now. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:means2reconcile:451 2005-08-14T06:28:53Z 2005-08-14T06:28:53Z Failure by designer jeans - from first to last Embers- We're burning bridges down.<br />Envelopes- stuffed with feelings found.<br />to write this down as means to reconcile.<br /><br />I listened to that song and cried today. Pathetic isn't it? I didn't cry because the singer has a voice like melted gold. Or because the lyrics are so deep. But because today went from a HORRIBLE day to day to remember. This morning, Jessy broke up with me. I was crushed. I reacted without thinking and ignored her. That's when I started listening to EMBERS&ENVELOPES by MAE. And the lyrics got to me, I decided then, I had to apologize to Jessy. But how? I didn't know what to say. I felt like I had stage fright. I was just so crushed. So I took a nap. When I woke up, my mom was bitching at me about something, I didn't care to listen. I told her off. Then my dad told me that tomorrow is quality time. YIPEE! NOT! He's making me go to some redneck thing like a race..I dk. I thought this was the worst day of my life. No one would talk to me. It seemed like I was on my own in a cold, heartless world. <br />So I sat around all day like a little emo kid. After baby sitting, I saw that Jessy left me a message. That made me happy. But not as happy as to what she said. Long story short, I'm not single, nor is she ;).<br />So I'm happy again. and I'm loving it. I forgot what happiness felt like today. But I have no harsh feelings. I can't complain. Life is good.